“God it’s a rainy day” I mumble. Ever since I woke up this morning to when I got off work it’s been bucketing down nonstop. Oh well, I always loved the rain. There’s something about it that seems…Promising. I walk up the steps to my house to find Gorgeous hiding between the pot plants. “Stupid cat” I smirk “Why didn’t you stay inside with Loomis?”
She meows at me as she shakes the rain off her coat. I unlock the door and pick her up. Ugh, she is so heavy. The wind slams the door shut behind us. Poor Gorgeous is startled and scratches at my arms trying to escape. Her claws reopen the slits on my arm and beads of blood begin to trickle down my dark skin; the pain brings back memories of last week and the horrible thoughts that drove me to decorate myself in these scars.
I yelp and clutch my wrist. For a second I recall the depression that possessed me that night; the harsh truth that no one cared about me or what I was doing with my life. I suppose that would make a lot of people feel free, but it just makes me feel unnecessary and unwanted
and that was all I thought as I downed pill after pill
And it was all I would whisper as I lay there in the bathtub, waiting to die
And that was all I thought I was, until I saw Loomis’s big eyes looking up at me and felt his huge tongue licking the blood off my arms. I knew that he at least didn’t want me die, so I suppose it was a good idea to call the ambulance before I was completely gone, because I realised that he needs me and I need him too.
Oh. Speak of the devil, he’s charging straight toward me. He jumps up into my arms and licks my face. “I’m happy to see you too, boy.”
The little pootalian pants in my ear. He’s always so happy to see me, especially when I’ve had to work all day. I put him down on the floor and make my way into the kitchen, both of my pets following me. Poor things must be hungry.
I open the pantry. Damn. There’s barely anything left. Lucky I had my dinner at work, thanks to Felic stealing some leftovers from the kitchens. It wasn’t much; just a muffin and a hot chocolate, but they had nothing else but sausage rolls left. I refuse to eat sausage rolls. Blegh.
Gorgeous starts mewing and mooching at me and Loomis starts licking my hand “Alright you two, hold your horses.”
I get out Loomis’s dry food and Gorgeous’s wet food and they escort me to their bowls. I top them up, and they begin to scoff it straight down.
Greedy little things they are, gnawing their way through my wallet, but I’m glad mum convinced me into getting them; Pet therapy has been working well.
Well, since they’ve their noses stuck in their bowls, I guess I’ll run a bath.
I open the door and am suddenly overwhelmed with depression as I look upon the room. The bathroom is still messy from last week’s breakdown; there are pills spilled all over the counter, a little murky water in the bathtub and a blade sitting in the soap holder. As I stare at the blade, it seems to draw me closer and my mind begins to whisper
“U N N E C E S S A R Y … U N W A N T E D … Do it! You know no one will care. You know no one will miss you. No one has since your “beloved Mother” died. Just do it! DO IT YOU COWARD!”
I almost give in to these harsh whispers as I stand there in the doorway and my eyelids begin to twitch. I shake my head, close my eyes and bite my lip before slamming the door as hard as I can
“I don’t want to…” I whimper.
I guess I’ll skip the bath tonight.
I sigh deeply and lean against the door, hugging my arms. Gorgeous trots up to me and mews. I pick her up and snuggle into her soft brown fur. She purrs and bats my long black ponytail
“Hey!” I smile “You cheeky little rascal.”
Kitten snuggles: a sure-fire cure for any kind of sadness. I might as well go to bed if I’m not going to have a wash; it’s not as if staying up feeling depressed is going to do me any good, not to mention my sleeping pattern has been completely out of whack lately. Best to get a decent amount of shut-eye before having to wake up at 5 for work.
I walk into my bedroom and switch on the light. Oh great. It’s a mess in here too. I still haven’t cleaned up from this morning’s rush to get to work; bed sheets and clothes tossed to one side of the room, toast crumbs and tea spilt all over the mattress. Stupid alarm, going off two hours later then it’s meant to. But even if it did go off at 4:30, I would probably just keep hitting the snooze button until Loomis and Gorgeous came to demand food. Anyway, I can’t be bothered cleaning up this mess right now, I guess I’ll just crash on the couch tonight.
I grab the winter doona out of the cupboard and change into my PJ’s (in other words some undies and a shirt). I make up a little cloud-like nest on the couch and make myself a nice warm milo.
I snuggle deep into the doona and Gorgeous soon joins me. She curls upon my chest and purrs loudly. I stroke her soft fur and smile. She’s so affectionate tonight! Loomis trots into the room and jumps up next to my feet. I lift a foot and rub his back with my heel. I look down at my furry housemates and feel great warmth in my chest, and it’s not just because Gorgeous is sleeping on it.
They are so well behaved and gentle, and I’m so proud of them. Sometimes it almost feels like their family, though I know it’s FAR from possible and actually quite childish. But in a way, they are; my little adopted family who’s always been there for me.
I let my eyes flutter shut and relax my body, ready for sleep to swallow me up.
“Ow… hey stop it, Gorgeous…it’s too early to play…Hey! HEY! OKAYOKAYOKAY! STOP IT!”
I grab my kitten by the scruff and pull her claws out of my breast.
“F***ing hell, cat!” I yell at her as I drop her on the floor. Loomis barks in response to my yells and bops me on the head with his paw “Don’t you get started too, mister.”
The clock reads 3:37 am. UGH.
“Dumb cat! I could have slept in for another…uh…53 minutes! That’s almost an hour!”
She makes a strange whining noise and walks halfway to the kitchen before turning around and meowing at me. Grrr…stupid greedy cat. Loomis trots into the kitchen and sits by his bowl.
“See? At least Loomis is polite.”
I stretch and open the blinds in the lounge. I hadn’t noticed it was raining until now. I sigh; another morning of walking to work in the rain. Oh well, at least there isn’t much traffic.
I reluctantly drag myself into the kitchen to feed my pets, then into the bedroom to get dressed.
I throw on the same thing a wear everyday: Black jeans, Jack-o-lantern shirt and my hoodie, brush my hair and tie it back into a ponytail. By now it’s 3:50-something and I’ve still got time to kill. I suppose I could get to work early to chill with Felic and thank him for the food yesterday, but then the manager would probably find some extra chore for me to do.
So, I could get to work early and chat with Felic or I could stay here and…do something else.
I might as well just go to work. Beats sitting in this mess with two noisy animals.
So I zip up my hoodie and put on my orange converses before giving Loomis and Gorgeous a pat goodbye. I throw my hood over my head and open the door. I can smell the rain on the grass and leaves. I love the smell of rain. I lock the door behind me and begin my trek to the bakery.
I look at the car lights reflections dancing on the rain puddles as car after lifeless car drove by. Wow. Who ever thought that something so overlooked and simple could really be so beautiful?
After about ten minutes of walking, I finally reach the bakery. As I step inside the crisp smell of rain is overpowered by the aroma of warm, fresh pastries.
My fellow janitor says good morning like he always does and I return the greeting. I walk through the kitchens, filling my nostrils with all the delicious scents that lingered in the air and into the locker rooms where I find Felic leaning against his locker, eyes closed and mouthing the lyrics to his blaring music. Seriously, it’s a wonder he doesn’t go deaf.
“As you were.” I sarcastically say as I open up my locker and pull out my uniform. I look around to make sure no one but Felic is in here; I don’t want those arseholes from the counters to comment on my “lack of tits” again. Why don’t we have separate locker rooms anyway? It’s ridiculous.
Alright, the coast is clear. I strip off my hoddie and shirt and put on my white shirt, apron and cap.
I lock my locker up and turn around to see Felic leaning towards me and staring right at me, smiling.
“OH…HI.” I say surprised.
“Hiya!” he replies in his usual chipper voice.
“Wanna tell me why you’re so incredibly close to my face?” I ask
He leans back “Better?”
“Much.” I nod
We walk out the locker room and sit in the customer lounge, discussing what we were doing last night.
“Did you enjoy your dinner?”
“Oh yeah, thanks! It was really nice.”
He smiles “No problem!”
“You didn’t get in trouble for it did you?”
“Me? Trouble? Pfft! I couldn’t get in trouble if I wanted to.”
I raise an eyebrow “Oh yeah? Why not?”
He pauses for a moment “Because I’m…adorable?” He batts his eyelashes
“You’re a bloody suck up, is what you are.” I nudge at him playfully
He laughs a bit nervously. He’s always so happy, so carefree. Sometimes to carefree, it bothers me. But I suppose it’s good for me to have someone like him around, even if he is a little bit too happy.
“Hey Felic, is that your girlfriend?”
I spin around almost growl with hatred as I see the douchebag that lead me to slicing up my skin.
“Oh wait, it can’t be. She ain’t got any tits. This must be ya boyfriend.”
“Oh grow up you nauseating pot of pig piss.” I hiss
“Leave her alone.” Is all poor, red-faced Felic can muster up
“I didn’t know you were gay, Felic. Why not go for someone handsomer? This thing’s not even pretty.”
I stand up and scowl at him, balling up my fists ready to punch “Why are you telling him he’s gay, huh? You looking for a boyfriend?”
“Guys, please, stop it!” Felic yells “Caddy is a girl and I’m not gay, now please, leave us alone!”
“SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH OR I’LL SHUT IT FOR YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”
He laughs “Nah, this is too much fun. You wanna punch me don’t ya, ladyboy? Then punch me! But you’re gonna lose your job if yo-”
Before he can finish his sentence, I clock him in the throat. He gasps and swallows and even squeals a little. It’s music to my ears. A small but crazed grin cracks my across my deadly serious expression and I punch him again, this time in the jaw. He bends over double, still gasping and choking, so desperate for air. My knuckles are killing me and my arm is shaking, but I don’t care. This is the best moment of my life.
“Told you I’d shut your mouth for you.” I smile as I stare down at that whimpering slob.
I turn to Felic to ask if he’s okay, but there’s no need; the poor thing is backed up on the wall almost clinging to it like a spider, panting, eyes so wide and skin so pale you’d think he’d just witness a third degree murder. He’s staring at the man on the floor. Well at least he was, now he’s looking at me. it’s so strange to see him look so petrified. And of me!
I soften my expression and sit back down on the couch, patting the space next to me as an invitation.
He slowly lets go of the wall and sits down, staring off into space.
“You okay, man?” I ask, in a deliberately innocent tone.
He looks at me and goes a bit red.
I giggle and ruffle his white hair “It’s ok. He’s breathing somewhat normally now.”
The man on the floor’s gasping obviously attracted some attention from his co-workers since he appears to be surrounded by 3 others asking if he’s okay.
He stands up and flips me the bird before being led away by his workmates.
“What a rude man.” I say.
“Oh my god, Caddy. Do you realize what you’ve done? You’re gonna get sacked for this!”
“I know.” I say calmly.
He looks at me as if I’ve gone bonkers “Wha-? And you’re okay with that?!”
“If it means I don’t have to work with that arsehole, then yes.”
Felic shakes his head in confusion “You are crazy.”
“No I’m not.” I say, raising my voice a little “I simply refuse to work in an environment where I am constantly harassed and made to feel uncomfortable.”
Before Felic can respond, the manager stomps into the lounge “Caddy!” He yells “I hear you beat up Wilson in here not 10 minutes ago! Is this true?”
“Quite true, sir.” I say as calmly and innocently as possible “Though to be fair, he has been harassing me and Felic for the past week and a half and I only punched him in the throat and jaw.”
“Did you have any hand in this, Felic?”
Poor Felic is beginning to sweat “I…I-I…uh…I’m not-”
“No he didn’t.” I cut in “It was just me. He was just an innocent bystander.”
The manager glares at me “You do realize I will have to fire you for this, and tell the police?”
I nod. Felic tries to say something but the manager shouts “Do you have no remorse for your actions?! How would you like to be fired right now?!”
I decide I’ve had enough of this “GO AHEAD THEN! FIRE ME, RIGHT NOW! I DON’T CARE!” I rip off my apron and toss it on the ground. I glare at the manager as I stomp out of the lounge and into the locker room and I can hear a very worried Felic chasing me.
I throw my locker open and begin to change back into my normal clothes. I hear Felic come crashing through the door.
“Caddy, C-Caddy wait!” he pants, “I know you’re not having the best time here, but please stay.”
“Sorry Felic, but I’ve had enough of this place.”
“Caddy please! Um…”He begs as he searches for a reason for me to stay “Uh…H-how are you gonna pay your rent? Huh?”
“I’ll find a new job.” I reply as I slip into my hoodie and shut the locker. I turn around to face him. He’s obviously very distraught about this whole thing “Why are you so upset about this?” I ask.
“I-I don’t know.” He stutters “I just…” He trails off and stands there, beginning to go red in the face “I guess I don’t wanna lose you…you’re, like, my only friend here.”
I smile a little and wrap my arms around him “Your my friend too. But I can’t stay here.” I squeeze him tightly “We’ll still be friends, okay?”
He hugs me back “Okay.” I let go of him and give him a little kiss on the cheek; he blushes deeply. I walk to the back door, wave goodbye and walk out of that place forever.
It’s still pouring down with rain.
I look up into the clouds and smile
“God it’s a rainy day.”